By: Tony MazzocchiArticle originally posted on The Music Parents’ Guide Hopefully your child will begin a musical instrument through their school music program. If so, when they bring home their instrument for the first time, it is more than just an exciting day… ...It is an opportunity... …Perhaps one of the greatest opportunities in your child’s life thus far. Photo: Victoria Chamberlin, victoriachamberlin.com If you are like me, you want your kid(s) to complete their K-12 education with far more than factual knowledge and an ability to score well on tests. You don’t believe that your child’s success in life depends primarily on cognitive skills — the type of intelligence that is measured on IQ tests and such. You don’t believe that school should be primarily focused on stuffing kids’ brains with as much factual knowledge as possible, but instead is focused on growing skills and mindsets that will last a lifetime. Psychological traits that include The patience to persist at a tough (and perhaps boring) task; The ability to delay gratification; The curiosity and grit to problem solve; …just to name just a few. And the musical instrument in your child’s hand could be the key to learning those skills. You see, your child didn’t receive an instrument with the expectation that they would become a professional musician, just as they did not receive a math book with the expectation of them becoming a mathematician. But, unlike any other subject, your child has the opportunity to develop some of the most important life skills through learning to play an instrument, and you need to let them know this is the case.Here are three things parents need to know and be able to express to their child as soon as they begin learning to play a musical instrument: “You are allowed to fail, and you will become better because of your failures.” There are no red pen marks for missed notes in music the way there are on tests — there is nothing to feel bad about when you play something “wrong” in music. To become skilled at a musical instrument — and to become great at anything — one needs to struggle a little. In your child’s case, they need to sound bad before they sound good; they need to work on things just beyond what they are capable of in order to get better and smarter, and that means they need to make mistakes. There is a small gap between what we all are able to do and where we want to be, and focusing on that gap makes us better learners and better people. Learning a musical instrument allows us to grow from our mistakes. “Hard works trumps talent every single time.” Practicing a skill over and over, the right way, fires circuits in our brains that solidify that skill. Sure, some people find some skills easier at first than others, but the people who practice that skill daily in order to “burn it” into their brain will always far surpass people who don’t practice enough. Practicing a musical instrument helps children learn the universal truth that hard work trumps talent. “This is a long-term commitment, and we are going to stick with it.” Studies have shown that students who identified that they would play their instrument for longer than one year outperformed students who only committed to one year of playing by up to 400% — practicing the same amount of time if not less! The ideas and mindsets students bring to their musical instrument study have a direct effect on their success, and it’s the parents’ role to set the tone on the first day by not giving their child an “easy out” to quit. Make the decision to invest in your child’s music education for at least a few years of their schooling and you will see results. There are not many subjects taught in school that have the potential to give our children the life skills they need to be successful beyond their school lives. Our children can learn how to have grit, motivation, problem-solving skills, flexibility, and character during and after their K-12 schooling — and music is the vehicle to teach these skills. What if we as parents treated music like any other core subject and expected our children to study it for at least 4 or 5 years? What does “success in school” mean to you and your child? About the author: A GRAMMY® nominated music educator, Anthony Mazzocchi has performed as a trombonist with the Los Angeles Philharmonic, New Jersey Symphony, San Diego Symphony, San Diego Opera, Riverside Symphony, Key West Symphony, in various Broadway shows and numerous recordings and movie soundtracks. Tony has served as faculty or as a frequent guest lecturer at The Juilliard School, Manhattan School of Music, New York University, and Mannes College of Music. He has taught students from K-college, and has served as a district Director of Fine and Performing Arts in the South Orange/Maplewood School District. Tony has been a consultant for arts organizations throughout the NY/NJ area.Tony blogs about how to be a successful music parent at The Music Parent’s Guide, and the book by the same name can be bought here. He has written a method book for music teachers called The Band Director’s Method Book Companion. Tony is currently Associate Director of the John J. Cali School of Music at Montclair State University in New Jersey. He is also Executive Director of the Kinhaven Summer Music School in Weston, Vermont. Tony is a clinician for Courtois – Paris.

It's 4pm on a Thursday, and your child is on the couch with the iPad. You need to leave for the weekly music lesson in half an hour. You can see dust has gathered on the piano (or the flute or the saxophone), and another week has passed with only infrequent and erratic attempts at practice. Your child claims to want lessons, but doesn't seem to put in the effort. The prospect of paying another term's tuition is the last straw. You order your child off the couch and direct them to their instrument. What ought to be a rewarding activity for your child has become a bone of contention between you. And you dislike the nagging parent you've become.What parents say and do matters Research confirms the benefits of learning a musical instrument. It develops a life-long skill and offers children a means of enjoyment and self-expression. Not surprisingly, many parents who can afford the cost willingly spend money to give their children this experience.But there are real challenges that sit alongside the benefits of learning an instrument. Difficulty in finding time and motivation to practise, frustration over a perceived lack of progress, anxiety about performing in public and unhelpful beliefs about innate talent being more important than practising can make the whole process a misery.Parent encouragement, though well-intended, can quickly descend into nagging. And the reality of a child learning an instrument at home – the unpolished sounds, the seemingly incessant technical work (scales and arpeggios) – can challenge the family dynamic. Research into motivation and music education shows what parents say and do is enormously influential in determining the quality of the learning experience for their child. Nagging or bribing a child to practise only makes the activity feel like a chore. Children who are nagged to practise are likely to stop playing as soon as they can make that choice.So, what can parents do to encourage their children to practise? The following practical tips are drawn from multiple studies conducted by musicians, teachers and educational psychologists. 1. Start young and keep it funMost young children enjoy singing and movement. They are also not overly self-conscious or concerned with self-image. While a teenager might baulk at singing or playing an instrument for fear of how their peers might react, younger children freely engage in musical activity. Regular musical play normalises the act of making music and helps children develop habits that will, in time, underpin regular practice. A good early childhood musical program can help children shift gradually from play-based learning to a more structured learning when they are ready. It's vital these experiences are fun. The advice for parents? Join in! Show your child that music is fun by having fun with your child making music. 2. Praise their effort not their 'talent'The media generally lauds professional musicians as "talented". What's lost in the mythology our culture weaves around these people is that their seemingly effortless mastery of an instrument is in fact the result of much effort and learning. Praising a child for being talented reinforces a fixed mindset around musical ability. If a child believes people are either talented or not talented, they are likely to view their own struggles with learning music as evidence they aren't talented.Parents should praise the effort their child puts into learning their instrument. This recognises that practice makes perfect. 3. Emphasise the long-term benefits of playingParent praise has less impact over time on a child's motivation to practise. Teenagers either develop an internal motivation to continue learning their instrument, or stop. But a ten-year study of children learning instruments shows children who display medium and long-term commitment to an instrument practice more and demonstrate higher levels of musical achievement. Children who imagined themselves playing their instrument into adulthood were more likely to be highly motivated.Parents should encourage your children to see learning an instrument as a useful skill that can bring satisfaction and joy into adult life. It isn't simply this year's after-school activity. 4. Encourage appropriate musicChildren are often motivated to learn an instrument in response to a growing interest in popular music. But leveraging a child's desire to replicate the latest Ed Sheeran song as a mechanism for motivation can be a problem.While popular music can and should be part of any music education, the latest popular music isn't necessarily fit-for-purpose as a teaching tool. This can result in great harm – ranging from disappointment when the music is beyond the ability of a learner, to very real damage to the voice or fingers. My own research shows using popular music as a way to get children into music education might meet a market demand, but is not always in children's best interest. The adult environment that surrounds popular music sits awkwardly with a safe educational environment. Having a seven-year-old sing "Fever When You Kiss Me" strikes the wrong note. Parents should choose a qualified teacher with a well-articulated teaching philosophy that emphasises gradual learning. Avoid teachers who spruik instant success on Australian Idol and, particularly for younger children, parents should prohibit sexualised repertoire. Take an interest in the music your child learns. Get to know the names of the pieces they're learning and ask to hear them. 5. Value your child's musicLessons, exams and practice schedules are all very well, but ultimately music should be a shared activity. Don't always banish your child to their room to practise. Create an environment where music is a vital part of the household. Encourage your child to perform at family occasions. As they learn, empathise with their struggles and celebrate their triumphs. Never begrudge the money you spend on lessons and never, ever nag.